Claiming Responsibility Of My Own Actions

"Just for Today: I will set my own house in order. Today, I will examine my part in the problems of my life. If I owe amends, I will make them." ~ Just for Today p. 295

The title really does say it all. How many times have I not claimed responsibility of my own actions and tried to blame others for my own problems. That "look at the log in your own eye before you look at the splinter in someone else's" really stands out today. It's a difficult road accepting responsibility... but in the long run its necessary if I ever want to grow as a person... as a human being.

I have focused so many times on other peoples problems, and focused less on mine. I guess thats mainly because I didn't want to accept the fact that I was human, and that I had problems in my life. I felt as though if I had problems in my life that I would be looked down upon and that I would be thought of as a piece of shit. However, not owning up to my own problems, and the part/role I take in my own problems, that was what made me a piece of shit.

Now I know that accepting responsibility for my own issues, and my wrong doings makes me a better person. It's a tough struggle however being able to humble myself enough to say "Hey, yea, I fucked up". I'm slowly learning to be more honest with myself and the people around me. My pride and fear is what keeps me from being honest, even though honesty is the best thing all the time.

"When we have a problem with someone, we can take our own inventory to find out what our part in the problem has been. With the help of our sponsor, we strive to set it right." ~ Just for Today p. 295

 I just recently had a major confrontation with someone at work that caused them to walk-out from work. This disease, being as self-centered as it is, told me that he was the one that was in the wrong, and that I had no part in the argument. However, after talking to my sponsor, and performing a self-inventory, I realized that I could have handled myself in a better manner and that I could have said some things differently in the conversation that I had.

This was extremely hard for me to admit, but after some self-reflection and taking a personal inventory, it's really opened my eyes to see that I'm responsible for a ton of bad things that I've done. Stuff that I don't necessarily want to readily admit. It's painful and brings me feelings of shame, guilt, and sadness to remember these things and how bad my disease had control of my life. What a wreck my life was. I never want to have to go back to that life ever again.

"It's pretty simple. We treat others as we would like others to treat us. We promptly make amends when we owe them." ~Just for Today p. 295

With the strength of my higher power of my understanding, and the comfort of knowing that if I'm honest when I'm wrong, as hard as that is sometimes, that good things will come from it. I can't have any expectations however of what the outcome might or might not be. If I'm honest, those feelings of guilt, regret, shame, and sadness might be relieved. I'm going to try my hardest to "own my shit", and not blame others for my actions.