Just For Today (JFT) Reflections
So for those of you who do not know the Narcotics Anonymous Program, every day there is a short two to three paragraph daily reflection that is for the specific day of the year. The Just For Today reflection is to be read daily and can be found here at this site: http://www.jftna.org/jft/
I will be posting my thoughts on the Just For Today (JFT) reflection every so often, this could be a daily thing or a every other day thing. Depends on the time. However I do want to do this often and fill up this Blog with my thoughts about how the JFT impacts me and my life. So here it goes!
As an addict I never really had any "faith" in anything but myself. I always thought that I had control over everything. I knew that in my addiction things were never going the way I wanted them to no matter how hard I tried to change them. There was always something that drugs would fuck up one way or another. Either I overslept, didn't get to work, and couldn't pay my bills, or I was in such a dehydrated state that I could barely move. It was awful.
After getting clean I realized that getting clean was the easy part. The JFT mentions that. However the hard part was staying clean. I see now that drugs were controlling my life in more ways then one. Using drugs was effecting my life in multiple areas and I was hopeless. The first thing I had to do was to just have faith that the Narcotics Anonymous Program could work! I mean, seriously... The program has been around for a long time! Hundreds of thousands if not millions of people around the entire world were getting clean through this program. So, I knew that if I put forth just half of the effort I used to get high and put it towards my recovery that things would start getting better. They had too. At this point what did I have to loose?
So, i surrendered to the program. I admitted that I really did have a problem. I knew I had a problem, and I even said that I had a problem, but I didn't really believe it in my heart. I still had reservations. It was difficult to trust anything other then myself at first. Hell, it still is every day! But with faith in the program, and faith in the new associations that I was making that I could remain clean if I really wanted it bad enough.
See, I've gotten clean before... though I didn't work a program of recovery. I never got a sponsor, I never did any steps, I goofed off at meetings and was completely self-centered. It was difficult for me to even focus on anything other then myself. I basically half-assed my recovery. I didn't have faith in the program or the people around me. I ended up using again and again, and was lying about my using.
I now see that for this program to work that I have to accept that there is a higher power in my life. What that higher power is, I have no fucking idea. However, if I just have faith that my higher power, a loving and caring higher power, has a plan for me and wants nothing but the best for me then I will be just fine.
Some of you might be struggling with the idea of a higher power or "God" as some might put it. Just stop and think for a second though... How many times were you in a situation that if it played out differently, you could have died, gone to jail, or the situation could have ended worse. Do you really think that luck has anything to do with it? See, in order for this program to work for me, I have to be open minded to new ideas. New ways of thinking. If I don't have this open minded attitude, all I'm doing is hurting myself in the end.
During my day, if I'm ever at a point where I feel like exploding or I feel like saying "fuck it", I also just count to 5, and say the serenity prayer. I have faith that the day will get better, and I always remind myself that I'm clean and sober. Just for today, right now, this second, I'm not high and because of that my life is better right now then my best day using.
I will be posting my thoughts on the Just For Today (JFT) reflection every so often, this could be a daily thing or a every other day thing. Depends on the time. However I do want to do this often and fill up this Blog with my thoughts about how the JFT impacts me and my life. So here it goes!
"We grasp the limitless strength provided for us through our daily prayer and surrender as long as we keep faith and renew it."
As an addict I never really had any "faith" in anything but myself. I always thought that I had control over everything. I knew that in my addiction things were never going the way I wanted them to no matter how hard I tried to change them. There was always something that drugs would fuck up one way or another. Either I overslept, didn't get to work, and couldn't pay my bills, or I was in such a dehydrated state that I could barely move. It was awful.
After getting clean I realized that getting clean was the easy part. The JFT mentions that. However the hard part was staying clean. I see now that drugs were controlling my life in more ways then one. Using drugs was effecting my life in multiple areas and I was hopeless. The first thing I had to do was to just have faith that the Narcotics Anonymous Program could work! I mean, seriously... The program has been around for a long time! Hundreds of thousands if not millions of people around the entire world were getting clean through this program. So, I knew that if I put forth just half of the effort I used to get high and put it towards my recovery that things would start getting better. They had too. At this point what did I have to loose?
So, i surrendered to the program. I admitted that I really did have a problem. I knew I had a problem, and I even said that I had a problem, but I didn't really believe it in my heart. I still had reservations. It was difficult to trust anything other then myself at first. Hell, it still is every day! But with faith in the program, and faith in the new associations that I was making that I could remain clean if I really wanted it bad enough.
See, I've gotten clean before... though I didn't work a program of recovery. I never got a sponsor, I never did any steps, I goofed off at meetings and was completely self-centered. It was difficult for me to even focus on anything other then myself. I basically half-assed my recovery. I didn't have faith in the program or the people around me. I ended up using again and again, and was lying about my using.
I now see that for this program to work that I have to accept that there is a higher power in my life. What that higher power is, I have no fucking idea. However, if I just have faith that my higher power, a loving and caring higher power, has a plan for me and wants nothing but the best for me then I will be just fine.
Some of you might be struggling with the idea of a higher power or "God" as some might put it. Just stop and think for a second though... How many times were you in a situation that if it played out differently, you could have died, gone to jail, or the situation could have ended worse. Do you really think that luck has anything to do with it? See, in order for this program to work for me, I have to be open minded to new ideas. New ways of thinking. If I don't have this open minded attitude, all I'm doing is hurting myself in the end.
During my day, if I'm ever at a point where I feel like exploding or I feel like saying "fuck it", I also just count to 5, and say the serenity prayer. I have faith that the day will get better, and I always remind myself that I'm clean and sober. Just for today, right now, this second, I'm not high and because of that my life is better right now then my best day using.
Just For Today: Faith got me clean, and faith will keep me clean. Today, I will keep faith with my Higher Power. I will renew my surrender and pray for knowledge and strength.
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