Cleaning My Glasses

"... we understand that the world's condition wasn't really the problem. It was our ideas and attitudes about the world that made it impossible for us to find a comfortable place in it." ~ Basic Text p. 55

You know, I was thinking about this today before I even read the Just for Today. It was pretty interesting that this was the topic for the Just for Today. I said a few weeks ago that I don't believe in coincidences anymore, and I'm coming to realize that if I open my eyes to the view around me that things usually are connected to each other in one way or another.

So today was a pretty rough one. Unfortunately I can't say much because I don't want to violate our traditions and anonymity principals of the Narcotics Anonymous program. So, I'll just talk about the Just for Today.

"Our attitudes and our ideas are the eyeglasses through which we see our lives. If our "glasses" are smudged or dirty, our lives look dim. If our attitudes aren't well focused, the whole world appears distorted. To see the world clearly, we need to keep our attitudes and ideas clean, free of things like resentment, denial, self-pity, and closed-mindedness."

I can see this statement very clearly in my life. It's crazy how I used to call off work all the time, and how I hated my job and everyone around me. This hatred was due to close-mindedness and self-centeredness this disease had hold on me. I absolutely had a horrible attitude towards everyone, and didn't care about anyone but myself and getting high.

After coming to this program, and actually putting in effort with a positive attitude, I'm seeing that good things are coming my way. I can clearly see that if I put out positive energy, then positive things will happen in my life. If I respect those people around me, then I will get respect in return. I just wish that I would have learned this lesson sooner.

"By stripping away our denial and replacing it with faith, self-honesty, humility, and responsibility, the steps help us see our lives in a whole new way. Then the steps help us keep our spiritual lenses clean, encouraging us to regularly examine our ideas, our attitudes, and our actions."

I'm starting to learn to take a daily inventory of my actions, promptly making amends where I can and making sure that I'm spiritually full. How do I do this you might ask? It's actually quite simple. I look back on my day, and any conflicts I might have had, and see where I could have done something differently, how my attitude could have been better, and then apologize for my actions or attitude. All the time I have to realize that I'm a human being, and I make mistakes. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, so I also have to realize I can't be too hard on myself.

The spiritual principals come a little bit harder to me however. I'm trying to make sure that I pray at least once a day to my higher power of my understanding. Whatever that might be... Still trying to figure that one out. Though being able to take that 30 second and pray for guidance, serenity, and open-mindedness helps me readjust my attitude, ideas, and actions. This especially works in the heat of an argument.

So, to put it simply I'm trying to look at life through a new set of glasses, a new view on life. I think that one of the best suggestions that was ever given to me was to change the people I hang out with, the places I go, and the things I like and do. This change is vital!!!! If I didn't change the people I hung out with, I would be tempted more easily to do drugs because all the people I used to hang with do drugs. I used to go to some pretty shady places, and dark corners of the world. Again, changing these places helped me get rid of that temptation of using again. Thinking I can be a DJ and spin music at a bar, will only open me up to be in a situation where someone could offer me drugs or booze. I had to give up being a DJ, and change the things that I even loved to do, because in the end I loved to do them because it was putting me in a situation where it was easier to get and used drugs.

I really have to just rethink about my life, on a daily and even hourly basis. I ask myself, Am I doing the next right thing? Am I being the best I can possibly be towards other people? Is my attitude correct? Am I being too harsh when talking to people? Am I being patient? Am I being thankful that my life isn't as bad as it was? Am I supporting those around me with care and love? Am I making sure that I'm living in the Narcotics Anonymous Program and living 'in the solution'? These questions help me refocus my 'eyes' and get a better perspective on my life. Without this new perspective on life, I'm just living in the same sticky pile of shit that I was living in active addiction.