Recovering Through Open-Mindedness

So, this post is being written with some pretty heated emotions... Well, I wouldn't say heated emotions, but just a lot of emotions all at once. I don't know really what to feel. Hurt? Used? Preyed upon? Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Joy and relief? It's all hitting me at once. During my active addiction I would often try and run away from my emotions, and just cover them up with drugs and try not to feel. I would also try and drown out my sorrows by having sex with anything and everything that moved. I thought that sex might cheer me up, and make me loose the sense of reality even for just a little while, but I only realized that doing that didn't help either. So, what happened today that has me so messed up? I'll use the words "they" and "their" to make sure that anonymity is still present, and to not assign a specific gender to this addict. An addict who I was very close to recently went back out and relapsed. Unfortunately this addict is g...

"With the love that I am shown in Narcotics Anonymous, I have no excuse for loneliness" ~ Just For Today p. 300 So I'm writing this post on my laptop while riding the bus. It's kind of funny all the looks that I'm getting while I'm just sitting here typing away. However, I have nothing else better to do and my phone needs charging so, here I sit. You know loneliness is a pretty easy thing to come by. I can't tell you how many times I've isolated myself from others during my active addiction. It was a fairly common thing to stay in, ignore people, and just use my drugs. Even when I was in the midst of other people I felt lonely. It was a pretty difficult thing for me to relate to anyone that didn't use drugs. When I first joined the Narcotics Anonymous program, I really didn't know how to act socially. It was something extremely foreign to me. I remember that I didn't really understand people or their emotions, mainly because the '...

So I'm writing this post on Saturday October 7th, but I'm scheduling it for the future. I'm going to be doing this more often as to not overload my readers with too many posts and too much information on one single day. I'm going to limit my posts I believe to two per day depending on what the post is about and the length of it. Now onwards to the actual post! "When a thought occurs to me, do I immediately act on it without considering the consequences? In what other ways do I behave compulsively?" ~ NA Step Working Guide p. 2  So, this question makes me really think. It's a difficult one to answer for myself, but yet its so easy. The short answer: Yes I do. As an addict I'm always thinking of the short-term and how to satisfy my need for short-term satisfaction. In my active addiction I was always going super fast, and never slowed down to think about how my actions would effect myself, the people around me, or the things around me. I always want...