Recovering Through Open-Mindedness

So before I start answering this question, I actually had to look up the difference between 'effect' and 'affect'. For those of you who don't know, like I did, effect is commonly used as a noun, to show impact and or the result of something. Affect is commonly a verb and is used to show influence over something. You can affect something, and observe the effect of the affect. "You can't affect the creepy poem by reading it, but you can enjoy the effect of a talking bird." Just a little tid-bit of information for your day. "How has my disease affected me physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Emotionally?" ~ NA Step Working Guide p. 2 Physically So over my years of drug use and abuse, I've affected my life physically in more ways then one. I've done many different types of drugs from hallucinogens like 25i-Nbome, to mood altering substances like MDMA. Pretty much every common drug except PCP, crack, and heroin. Each substance affected...

"How does the self-centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me?" ~ NA Step Working Guide p. 2 Ahhhhhh yes, self-centeredness. The first thing that comes to my mind is also ego. I know that these are major character defects and I believe that they go hand in hand with each other. I'm always thinking about me, and how I can satisfy myself all the time, and how I can put myself above you. During my active addiction I would always say "I do what I want". It was sort of my slogan and motto. I never really cared about what I did, and this false sense of freedom that this gave me made me feel invincible. It was really tough to center myself and look at those around me and how my actions would affect them.  I have to admit that I really was completely out of control of my life. Even though I thought I had complete control, I really didn't. I was always thinking of me. The prime examples of this self-centeredness was mainly when ...

So I'm writing this post on Saturday October 7th, but I'm scheduling it for the future. I'm going to be doing this more often as to not overload my readers with too many posts and too much information on one single day. I'm going to limit my posts I believe to two per day depending on what the post is about and the length of it. Now onwards to the actual post! "When a thought occurs to me, do I immediately act on it without considering the consequences? In what other ways do I behave compulsively?" ~ NA Step Working Guide p. 2  So, this question makes me really think. It's a difficult one to answer for myself, but yet its so easy. The short answer: Yes I do. As an addict I'm always thinking of the short-term and how to satisfy my need for short-term satisfaction. In my active addiction I was always going super fast, and never slowed down to think about how my actions would effect myself, the people around me, or the things around me. I always want...

"What is it like when I'm obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe" ~ Step Working Guide p. 2 This is a great question. Honestly, I haven't ever though about a pattern whenever it comes to my obsessive thinking. However lets start with the first question. Whenever I'm obsessed with something it feels like I have horse blinders on. It's like I can only focus on that one thing. I can really get obsessed with anything, good or bad. This obsession can be a double edged sword. For example, when I'm in a relationship, I get very clingy and obsessed with the other person. I can't let them go and I always have to be in control. If I'm not in control, I feel like the whole world around me is crumbling to pieces. On the other end of the spectrum, I can get obsessed with good things like cleaning. Too much cleaning just makes me loose focus on what else is going on around me. I get frustrated with the people that are around...

Has my disease been active recently? In what way? You know, I really like the wording of this question. The second question doesn't say "If so, in what way?" it says "In what way?". This makes me aware that even if I think that my disease hasn't been active recently that it really has. I need to always look at my life on a daily basis and figure out, how has this disease reared its ugly head. Is it ego? Is it patience? What about isolation and depression. All of these things I definitely struggle with on a daily basis. I've heard it said many times in meetings that getting clean isn't for the feint of heart. This program takes courage and strength. It's really easy to get high. It's also easy to get clean. What is hard is staying clean and growing spiritually, mentally, maturity, and changing your life. I wrote a few days ago how I thought that my ego might have effected my way of thinking a few days ago at a meeting. It was tough admit...

Just got home from tonight's meeting. Definitely trying to get some people to hold me accountable for this blog. I never in my entire life ever followed through with something long term. I have always thought in the short term. Always. I'm trying to change my way of life in order to keep clean. So, the three topics for tonight's meeting were: Anger Your Last Run Living In The Solution These are some great topics and all three of them have a common theme to which I'll get to that in a minute. Let's first talk about anger. It's something I've personally struggled with all my life. Seeing my father be quick to anger and quick to snap I think was the reason why I thought anger was an ok emotion to have. I know that when I was in active addiction anger was the first emotion I had when things didn't go my way. It was tough to remain calm. My motto was "I do what I want", that was including acting how I wanted, no matter if it was right or w...

What does "the disease of addiction" mean to me? So for a bit of inspiration on the question I turned to my favorite media platform, YouTube! I wanted to see what other people thought about "the disease of addiction", and weigh in on the subject. I found this TedX talk given by former Director of National Drug Control Policy, Michael Botticelli about his recovery and what people can do to loose the stigma of 'being an addict'. In the video Michael has a few very good points. Addiction first off is a disease. It has been proven time and time again. Over and over. It's very sad how Americans and people throughout the world view addiction as a moral deficiency rather then a disease. I believe that if the stigma was gone that the world would have less addicts. I know that when I was in active addiction, I was always fearful of admitting that I had a problem. I always thought that I was destined to be a criminal, and I was going to die by using drugs...

Through out this blog I will be actively posting my answers to questions asked in the Narcotics Anonymous Step Working Guide . This guide was written by addicts for addicts to help the newcomer and the 'seasoned veterans' of the program work through the steps. This guide asks some pretty tough questions from what I've heard. I will be making a new post for each question asked. Each post will start with the question followed by my 'answer' or thoughts and reflections on the question. Some posts will contain more then one question, others will contain just one question. It all depends on how long the post gets. Through answering these questions honestly, I hope to share with you my experience, strength and hope. The Step Working Guide  goes hand in hand with the Narcotics Anonymous It Works: How & Why  book, also written by addicts for addicts. I would highly suggest checking out this book as well! It goes into more detail about each step and why each step is im...