Recovering Through Open-Mindedness

So, this post is being written with some pretty heated emotions... Well, I wouldn't say heated emotions, but just a lot of emotions all at once. I don't know really what to feel. Hurt? Used? Preyed upon? Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Joy and relief? It's all hitting me at once. During my active addiction I would often try and run away from my emotions, and just cover them up with drugs and try not to feel. I would also try and drown out my sorrows by having sex with anything and everything that moved. I thought that sex might cheer me up, and make me loose the sense of reality even for just a little while, but I only realized that doing that didn't help either. So, what happened today that has me so messed up? I'll use the words "they" and "their" to make sure that anonymity is still present, and to not assign a specific gender to this addict. An addict who I was very close to recently went back out and relapsed. Unfortunately this addict is g...

So I'm writing this post on Saturday October 7th, but I'm scheduling it for the future. I'm going to be doing this more often as to not overload my readers with too many posts and too much information on one single day. I'm going to limit my posts I believe to two per day depending on what the post is about and the length of it. Now onwards to the actual post! "When a thought occurs to me, do I immediately act on it without considering the consequences? In what other ways do I behave compulsively?" ~ NA Step Working Guide p. 2  So, this question makes me really think. It's a difficult one to answer for myself, but yet its so easy. The short answer: Yes I do. As an addict I'm always thinking of the short-term and how to satisfy my need for short-term satisfaction. In my active addiction I was always going super fast, and never slowed down to think about how my actions would effect myself, the people around me, or the things around me. I always want...

"What is it like when I'm obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe" ~ Step Working Guide p. 2 This is a great question. Honestly, I haven't ever though about a pattern whenever it comes to my obsessive thinking. However lets start with the first question. Whenever I'm obsessed with something it feels like I have horse blinders on. It's like I can only focus on that one thing. I can really get obsessed with anything, good or bad. This obsession can be a double edged sword. For example, when I'm in a relationship, I get very clingy and obsessed with the other person. I can't let them go and I always have to be in control. If I'm not in control, I feel like the whole world around me is crumbling to pieces. On the other end of the spectrum, I can get obsessed with good things like cleaning. Too much cleaning just makes me loose focus on what else is going on around me. I get frustrated with the people that are around...