Recovering Through Open-Mindedness

So, it's been a while since my last post. Unfortunately, I have to find a new sponsor, and so because of this I'm putting the blog on a hold. I don't want to complete any step work without a sponsor as step work is supposed to be done with  a sponsor. I'm sure that soon enough I will find someone who is a good fit for me, and is able to be my sponsor for a while. For now however, I will be trying to post every once in a while on the daily Just for Today  readings. So let's go ahead and start. "When we honestly tell our own story, someone else may identify with us" ~ Just for Today p. 330 Today's reading is about being honest and truthful when telling your own story. It also brings up pride, and humility. When we are asked to talk in front of a meeting, or a convention it usually is always this premeditated thought process of what we're going to say, however as soon as we start talking, usually things never come out how we plan. The key here,...

"We can also use the steps to improve our attitudes." ~ Just for Today p. 314 After yet again not doing my step work like I should I can definitely feel like my life is starting to derail a bit. My tooth is also hurting extremely bad lately. Side effects of being a meth addict I guess. *shrug* It hurts. Ow... :( So this Just for Today  is a really good one. I love the fact that it's basically saying what I've been saying for many months now: "The only real choice that you have is your own actions, and who you're friends with."  You know I really think that making the decision to delete everyone out of my phone that was not Family, Work, or NA  has helped me further myself in life. It's removed the temptation to hit someone up from my past and try to start back up with old habits. Working Step One is a little difficult for me right now. I'm having issues with my room mate not cleaning his side of the room, and I'm having to check my atti...

So unfortunately I have been loosing focus on what truly matters in recovery, and that is recovery in and of itself. I've become complacent in many ways and it's starting to show in my life. I'm becoming less tolerant of others, not listening, and not taking the suggestions of those around me. Honestly I've been focusing on work so much that I've completely forgotten that I am still sick with the disease of addiction. Work is going extremely well. Usually, as it is the case with most addicts, when things start going well we often start having the thoughts of 'Oh well, I can skip that meeting, I'll just catch the next one', or 'I'll just do some step work later when I get home' and then never getting around to it. This in it's purest form is the 'voice of addiction' telling me that I don't have a problem, when in all reality I do. "Our disease gives us warped information about what's going on in our lives." ~ ...

"With the love that I am shown in Narcotics Anonymous, I have no excuse for loneliness" ~ Just For Today p. 300 So I'm writing this post on my laptop while riding the bus. It's kind of funny all the looks that I'm getting while I'm just sitting here typing away. However, I have nothing else better to do and my phone needs charging so, here I sit. You know loneliness is a pretty easy thing to come by. I can't tell you how many times I've isolated myself from others during my active addiction. It was a fairly common thing to stay in, ignore people, and just use my drugs. Even when I was in the midst of other people I felt lonely. It was a pretty difficult thing for me to relate to anyone that didn't use drugs. When I first joined the Narcotics Anonymous program, I really didn't know how to act socially. It was something extremely foreign to me. I remember that I didn't really understand people or their emotions, mainly because the '...

"... we understand that the world's condition wasn't really the problem. It was our ideas and attitudes about the world that made it impossible for us to find a comfortable place in it." ~ Basic Text p. 55 You know, I was thinking about this today before I even read the Just for Today. It was pretty interesting that this was the topic for the Just for Today . I said a few weeks ago that I don't believe in coincidences anymore, and I'm coming to realize that if I open my eyes to the view around me that things usually are connected to each other in one way or another. So today was a pretty rough one. Unfortunately I can't say much because I don't want to violate our traditions and anonymity principals of the Narcotics Anonymous program. So, I'll just talk about the Just for Today . "Our attitudes and our ideas are the eyeglasses through which we see our lives. If our "glasses" are smudged or dirty, our lives look dim. If our atti...

"As recovering addicts, we find that we are still dependent, but our dependence has shifted from the things around us to a loving God and the inner strength we get in our relationship with him." ~ Just For Today p. 293 So the Just for Today  is about rebellion, dependence, and coming to believe in a power greater then ourselves. You know, it's really interesting. Every day I read this Just for Today  I always feel as though that it's speaking to me in one way or another. That the Just for Today  was written just for me, and whats going on in my life. I've been struggling for a number of years with rebellion. So let's start there. At the age of 16 my parents split up. Looking back on the situation it was definitely for the best. I feel as though if they didn't split up that the abuse from my father, both emotional and physical, would have gotten worse. After they split I began to start rebelling. Skipping school, yelling at my mother and father, not ...

We have a choice between justice and mercy. Which will you choose? "Many of us have difficulty admitting that we caused harm for others... We cut away our justification and our ideas of being a victim." ~ Just For Today  p. 291 The Just for Today  reading is definitely a big one. In one hand we have justice, and in the other hand we have mercy. Mercy is often viewed as weak, inferior, and always ends in the person that was wronged never getting any reciprocation for how they were wronged. Justice is viewed as superior, the right way and the fair way, and usually ends in the person who was wronged getting even with the person that wronged them. Most people forget that whenever they are the ones doing the wrong, they never want justice to be enacted upon themselves. They always want mercy for their wrong-doings. That double standard is what causes so much controversy on this subject. "But if we take a look back on our own behavior, we may find that we've been...

So for those of you who do not know the Narcotics Anonymous Program, every day there is a short two to three paragraph daily reflection that is for the specific day of the year. The Just For Today  reflection is to be read daily and can be found here at this site:  http://www.jftna.org/jft/ I will be posting my thoughts on the Just For Today  (JFT) reflection every so often, this could be a daily thing or a every other day thing. Depends on the time. However I do want to do this often and fill up this Blog with my thoughts about how the JFT impacts me and my life. So here it goes! "We grasp the limitless strength provided for us through our daily prayer and surrender as long as we keep faith and renew it."  As an addict I never really had any "faith" in anything but myself. I always thought that I had control over everything. I knew that in my addiction things were never going the way I wanted them to no matter how hard I tried to change them. There was alway...