Loosing Focus & Understanding The 'Voice' of Addiction

So unfortunately I have been loosing focus on what truly matters in recovery, and that is recovery in and of itself. I've become complacent in many ways and it's starting to show in my life. I'm becoming less tolerant of others, not listening, and not taking the suggestions of those around me. Honestly I've been focusing on work so much that I've completely forgotten that I am still sick with the disease of addiction.

Work is going extremely well. Usually, as it is the case with most addicts, when things start going well we often start having the thoughts of 'Oh well, I can skip that meeting, I'll just catch the next one', or 'I'll just do some step work later when I get home' and then never getting around to it. This in it's purest form is the 'voice of addiction' telling me that I don't have a problem, when in all reality I do.

"Our disease gives us warped information about what's going on in our lives." ~ Basic Text p. 83

 Having the disease of addiction gives me a warped sense of reality, combine that with warped sense of reality that Borderline Personality Disorder gives me as well and I'm just a walking, talking, contradiction of reality. It's super difficult for me to understand those around me, and understand life's situations in more ways then one.

I need to start talking to my sponsor more, and gaining the experience, strength and hope that he's able to give. I ran into a situation where my father, who is still an active user, wanted to meet me for lunch. I know that even being around someone who is actively using in their life will not be healthy for me or my recovery. The saying 'playing with fire' comes to mind here.

"We can call our sponsor for a reality check. We can listen to the voice of an addict trying to get clean. The ultimate solution is to work the steps and draw on the strength of a Higher Power. That will get us through those times when "our disease is talking." ~ Basic Text p. 83

After saying a quick prayer to the higher power of my understanding, I then took the suggestion of my sponsor and calmly explained to my father that I can't meet him and gave him the honest reason why. Surprisingly he was understanding and wished me luck in my recovery. *mind blown*

This program works if you work it. It's as simple as that. I over complicate things when usually just being honest, open-minded, and willing will usually answer the questions to the many problems I face.

Just for Today: I will ignore the "voice" of my addiction. I will listen to the voice of my program and a Power greater than myself.