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It's Been A While!

So, it's been a while since my last post. Unfortunately, I have to find a new sponsor, and so because of this I'm putting the blog on a hold. I don't want to complete any step work without a sponsor as step work is supposed to be done with  a sponsor. I'm sure that soon enough I will find someone who is a good fit for me, and is able to be my sponsor for a while. For now however, I will be trying to post every once in a while on the daily Just for Today  readings. So let's go ahead and start. "When we honestly tell our own story, someone else may identify with us" ~ Just for Today p. 330 Today's reading is about being honest and truthful when telling your own story. It also brings up pride, and humility. When we are asked to talk in front of a meeting, or a convention it usually is always this premeditated thought process of what we're going to say, however as soon as we start talking, usually things never come out how we plan. The key here,...
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The Minute by Minute Evolution of Attitude

"We can also use the steps to improve our attitudes." ~ Just for Today p. 314 After yet again not doing my step work like I should I can definitely feel like my life is starting to derail a bit. My tooth is also hurting extremely bad lately. Side effects of being a meth addict I guess. *shrug* It hurts. Ow... :( So this Just for Today  is a really good one. I love the fact that it's basically saying what I've been saying for many months now: "The only real choice that you have is your own actions, and who you're friends with."  You know I really think that making the decision to delete everyone out of my phone that was not Family, Work, or NA  has helped me further myself in life. It's removed the temptation to hit someone up from my past and try to start back up with old habits. Working Step One is a little difficult for me right now. I'm having issues with my room mate not cleaning his side of the room, and I'm having to check my atti...
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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The Denial of Addiction

So after a long time away from doing step work, and outlined in my last post, I feel as though my recovery has been at a stand still and it's starting to affect many areas in my life. I'm getting back on the saddle and hoping that by doing so, I'm able to start recognizing some of my character defects and hopefully be able to work on them and fix them. "Have I given plausible but untrue reasons for my behavior? What have they been?" ~ Step Working Guide p. 2  So I honestly didn't know what this question was asking when I first looked at it, however this question can also be worded as "Have I lied about the reasons for my behavior?". Obviously. Whether the reasons might have been plausible or not, they are untrue, which means I've lied. Throughout my life I have lied about many issues, always blaming the drugs, or blaming someone else for my own actions. There have been so many lies that quite honestly, if I listed them all I would take up so...
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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Loosing Focus & Understanding The 'Voice' of Addiction

So unfortunately I have been loosing focus on what truly matters in recovery, and that is recovery in and of itself. I've become complacent in many ways and it's starting to show in my life. I'm becoming less tolerant of others, not listening, and not taking the suggestions of those around me. Honestly I've been focusing on work so much that I've completely forgotten that I am still sick with the disease of addiction. Work is going extremely well. Usually, as it is the case with most addicts, when things start going well we often start having the thoughts of 'Oh well, I can skip that meeting, I'll just catch the next one', or 'I'll just do some step work later when I get home' and then never getting around to it. This in it's purest form is the 'voice of addiction' telling me that I don't have a problem, when in all reality I do. "Our disease gives us warped information about what's going on in our lives." ~ ...
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Location: Heinz Field, 100 Art Rooney Ave, Pittsburgh, PA 15212, USA
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Don't Enable The Active Addict

So, this post is being written with some pretty heated emotions... Well, I wouldn't say heated emotions, but just a lot of emotions all at once. I don't know really what to feel. Hurt? Used? Preyed upon? Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Joy and relief? It's all hitting me at once. During my active addiction I would often try and run away from my emotions, and just cover them up with drugs and try not to feel. I would also try and drown out my sorrows by having sex with anything and everything that moved. I thought that sex might cheer me up, and make me loose the sense of reality even for just a little while, but I only realized that doing that didn't help either. So, what happened today that has me so messed up? I'll use the words "they" and "their" to make sure that anonymity is still present, and to not assign a specific gender to this addict. An addict who I was very close to recently went back out and relapsed. Unfortunately this addict is g...
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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Being Content with Loneliness

"With the love that I am shown in Narcotics Anonymous, I have no excuse for loneliness" ~ Just For Today p. 300 So I'm writing this post on my laptop while riding the bus. It's kind of funny all the looks that I'm getting while I'm just sitting here typing away. However, I have nothing else better to do and my phone needs charging so, here I sit. You know loneliness is a pretty easy thing to come by. I can't tell you how many times I've isolated myself from others during my active addiction. It was a fairly common thing to stay in, ignore people, and just use my drugs. Even when I was in the midst of other people I felt lonely. It was a pretty difficult thing for me to relate to anyone that didn't use drugs. When I first joined the Narcotics Anonymous program, I really didn't know how to act socially. It was something extremely foreign to me. I remember that I didn't really understand people or their emotions, mainly because the '...
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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Cleaning My Glasses

"... we understand that the world's condition wasn't really the problem. It was our ideas and attitudes about the world that made it impossible for us to find a comfortable place in it." ~ Basic Text p. 55 You know, I was thinking about this today before I even read the Just for Today. It was pretty interesting that this was the topic for the Just for Today . I said a few weeks ago that I don't believe in coincidences anymore, and I'm coming to realize that if I open my eyes to the view around me that things usually are connected to each other in one way or another. So today was a pretty rough one. Unfortunately I can't say much because I don't want to violate our traditions and anonymity principals of the Narcotics Anonymous program. So, I'll just talk about the Just for Today . "Our attitudes and our ideas are the eyeglasses through which we see our lives. If our "glasses" are smudged or dirty, our lives look dim. If our atti...
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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